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This is a usability problem. It is not obvious at all to the user that the messages he sends into conversation before the other user joins are not delivered to that user. I know that a user may join, leave and rejoin, so it does not make sense to send him all the conversation history at the moment of (re)join. But, the user should be warned that it works this way! Otherwise, this will be the first complaint of all new users.
One workaround to the problem for newcommers (besides warning them somehow) could be having the option Automatically Accept Conversation Invitation set to TRUE.
Reassigning to issues@collab. Collab Support plugin is not actively maintained. Obsoleted in 6.7 by the newly introduced integration with Project Kenai, a collaborative environment for developers to host their open-source projects, which includes also a chat service.
This bug was reported against NetBeans IDE 6.0 or an older release, or against a non-maintained module. NetBeans team does not have enough resources to get to this issue, therefore we are closing the issue as a WONTFIX. If you are interested in providing a patch for this bug, please see our NetFIX guidelines for how to proceed. We apologize for any inconvenience. Thank you. The NetBeans Team